.Wednesday, July 07, 2004 Y
*siGh*
Long time since I last updated. But, I'm still feeling dat same old feeling - depressed. But what isit that I can do? Nothing. Will he even forget abt the past hatred and bury it? The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference, so its shudn't be past hatred right? I dunno what isit called though.
Today in class, I have been talking to kleo about my and his past memories. Felt a bit more depressed, yet also relieved. I have been wanting to say all these out. Maybe to say it so that its not all stuck in my head and in my heart. Depressed, because it makes me think of all of them all over again. I'm really missing him these few days. Last few days, I have even went to the extent of hitting my fist into the wall, hoping it will bruise, hoping that the pain will make the one in my heart grow numb. But it doesn't. It bled on my third finger. It was horrible. Now my wall is stained with blood. Blood which contained sadness, heartbroken-ness and memories that we once shared. Its like the memories that are in me. It will stay forever. Maybe it takes time for it to heal and be forgotten and not be obvious again like the blood stains on the wall, but how long will it take for me?
Everyday, I have been laughing and playing in class, making it look as though I no longer care for his exsistence. But I still do. When everyone is listening in class or is noisy talking to others, I will look towards his direction, hoping that one day he will look at mine too. But who ever knows what happens to me at home after school and at night? I cry myself to sleep sometimes, and wake up in the morning, feeling very lost, knowing of no directions in life, thinking of how am I going to start the day. When I reach home after school everyday, I eat, watch tv, play the computer, eat dinner and I start doing my homework and start playing the computer again. I keep myself busy, hoping I will spare no time to miss him. But he still takes up a part of me.
**See there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.**
Missing him.
waiting for you right here
10:14:00 AM
