.Tuesday, January 25, 2005 Y
*siGh*
Know what I did on Sunday night after I blogged in my last entry? I went to read my past entries. Then, I just missed Francis all of a sudden. Guess my friends should know which one I'm talking about. I know I shouldn't have. But the many memories came flooding back. I got kinda stressd up and depressed again. I kept all quiet all of a sudden. I sat on my bed, hugging on to my soft toy bear. Well, I also heard from Kleo that he found a new stead. I dunno whether I was happy when I heard the news. Somehow, I've got that tiny bit of disappointment. I dunno why. But, that feeling is not jealousy either. I dunno how to describe that feeling.. I suddenly got that urge to cry and hit my hand on the wall again. I dunno why. *siGh*
However, looking at the past, I think I learnt a lot and changed a lot. Whether for the better or worst, I don't think its up to me to judge. Maybe because of him, I found another side of me. One who does anything for love? I injured myself so much after I broke up with him. I cut myself, I hit my hand against the wall and caused the bruises until I remembered once Han Wei scold me, saying that even he as a guy have done hit so hard on the wall. I repeatedly cut the same wounds the last time. Also, I repeatedly hit my hand against the wall despite seeing them bleed. Silly me, right?
After that incident, I'm a lot more happier and learnt to look at things at a different point of view. I get upset less easily now and cry for lesser reasons now. I dunno isit because I've gone through a period of life when I was very very sad. This, I'm not so sure. I learnt that we should let go when the time comes. I held on too tightly and ended up hurting myself. Hmm, important lessons of life that I learnt? I dunno.
Anyway, just wanna wish them him and his new girlfriend all the best. I don't think he will even read this. Lets just hope he gets this message. =)
waiting for you right here
9:35:00 PM
