.Wednesday, November 15, 2006 Y
Had a small talk with Kleo today. Suddenly I realised maybe guys are just like that. They forget the little things that we used to do for each other.
I dunno if he remembers me going down all the way to suntec city from jurong during my holidays just to have a one hour lunch with him. He used to say, "that's very sweet of you."
I dunno if he remembers us going to strudel house and he making me smile with the way he wants me to decide what to eat. He said,"apple strudel is common, durian will make your mouth smell, peach will smell and taste nice, blueberry i havent tried before.."
I dunno if he remembers me staying up till 12mn just to finish baking the cookies that he wanted to eat. He said,"I'll wait for you to finish baking the cookies. I'll stay up with you."
I dunno if he remembers him saying, "you're the best girl I ever met.". I told him that he must have said to that all other girls he dated and he replied,"but I'm serious.".
I dunno if he remembers he saying,"You'll be the last girl I'll ever go out with.".
I dunno if he remembers how he used to whine when I choose not to wait for his calls. He said,"Why don't you want to wait for my calls anymore? You used to do so." But when I do it now, he says that I should go to bed early because of school.
I dunno if he remembers me going down bishan from jurong when he said he just wants to stay at home during the weekends.
I dunno if he remembers how he stroked my hair when I fell asleep on his lap because I was really tired and he was watching his VCD.
I want that old him back. Can I? Suddenly, not seeing him for 2 days seemed a week to me already. I dun even know if I was right to have taken the gamble right from the start. I dun even know if the friendship will go on.
Siyu told me today,"You must treat yourself better okay? Learn to
kan kai yi dian. Because I have learnt to do so too." I was thinking, she have learnt to take things in her stride even before losing. I have already lost, what more can I lose?
Seeing that he's so busy nowadays, I have proven to myself that he didn't give me excuses. They were the truth.
He told me on Sunday,"We are special friends because I'll still hold your hands when we go out. Trust me, I won't hold any other girl's - at least not for the next 5 years." At that point, I was happy. But now, it's more of disappointment. Because I know that, we won't be able to meet that often.
I dunno when I'll be able to see the sunset - at that place we once self-declared that it belonged to us, the one he promised to see it with me.
I dunno when we'll be able to make the trip to Sentosa. The one he said we'll go to take the chairlift.
Everytime when he ask if I'm okay, I know I'm lying but I just told him I am. Because he wanted to see the strong side of me. Because he had only seen that side of me. The girl that can hold back tears and smile when everything is not going fine.
I tell myself everyday, things will be okay soon. I'm okay. I'm smiling. I'm cheerful. I take lectures more seriously, listening and taking down notes that is important. At least, time pass the fastest when I'm in school - joking with my girls and attending lectures.
Sometimes, I just felt like going down Suntec, sitting down at the chairs, hoping I'll get to see him when he comes down to smoke. But that's so silly. Or will girls just do irrational things for the one they love?
waiting for you right here
10:42:00 PM
